glowing, smiles with eyes & acceptance

[Beautiful~Mistake]

i was feelin kinda......
........................disconnected
..................cluttered
............disorganized
these days
so i did a mad house cleaning

only to be interrupted halfway thru by the bald man
..............who is another story for another time
(probly tomorrow lol)

after he left,
i finshed my cleaning
and afterwards..
cooking in my sparkling kitchen,
eating in my spotless living room
and then napping in my immaculate bedroom
......................felt so god damn great
it was unbelievable..

it's funny..
how when we take the clutter out of our physical surroundings
the clutter in your mental state
begins to dissipate

[Beautiful~Mistake]

of course,
when you live with a guy and his dog
the clean
never really stays clean
but that's okay

[Beautiful~Mistake]

laying in my bedroom with the bald man last night
...and it's incredible...
............the peaceful feeling you get with good company
.............good conversation

but accepting the compliments...
and taking the words of awe he has for me..
it's kind of hard to take...

but i guess...
it reminds me
that even when i'm having a shitty day,
it's really not that shitty
because everyday is a good day...
when you're alive...
...when you can skip home in the rain
....when you can have cigarette flicking contests
......when you can climb out onto the roof and watch the moon
.........when you can sit on the patio and listen to the ocean
watching the cruiseships pass by
so close you can almost touch them, it seems..

[Beautiful~Mistake]

i think back to those days of yesterday
and every day was a bad day

i was talking with some friends last night
..one is going through a really rough time
and he says to us,
that being able to call up the bald man
even when he's asleep at 3am
and going to get him

just for a hug

or coming to see me at 6am

just for a smile

or walking into a room full of strangers

just for some wisdom

just to belong somewhere

..... that's how he makes it through his bad days..

[Beautiful~Mistake]

we learn that something bigger than us
exists out there
and has brought us here

i guess
when i was growing up
i always knew that there was something more to life
and i always had that dream, you know
and when i started to believe that something kept me alive
because
by the laws of nature
i shouldn't be here today..
i shouldn't have celebrated my 19th birthday
or my 18th
or even my 14th
but i did
and i'll celebrate my 20th, too
and many, many more to come
because i got that..
.....................second chance
even if it's my 7th
....or 8th
......or 15th

toda
i don't have bad days
only good
and better

[Beautiful~Mistake]

i'm so rambling..
but it feels good...
to get some of this off my chest..
because i don't have my books here...
so..
my psychobabble's gone public, today

you know..
if i hadn't have come here,
..to the island
....to sobriety
......to sanity
.......to acceptance in something bigger than me
whether it be my shoe,
or my coffee table
or my flashlight
it doesn't matter
who knows where i'd be
not here
i wouldn't have the bald man
i wouldn't have my dad
or my new friends
or my new life
...something brought me here
and now..
all those dreams i had..
i'm watching them unravel

[Beautiful~Mistake]

it's incredible..
i'm living my dreams!

i want to thank everybody...
here, in my r/t
in the other side of the world
in quebec,
in the room here beside me
... thank you
for having faith in me
.....................when i didn't............
i feel like some of the people here on hb have watched me grow up..
and i guess this rant is for you guys
thanks for stickin by me

[Beautiful~Mistake]

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
i just can't believe that i'm actually doing something with my life..
i don't recognize myself anymore
to be able to look into the mirror and
love what's looking back at me
and reading a book,
and understanding what it said
... and talking..
really talking
and just..
..smiling
.....with eyes

[Beautiful~Mistake]

i don't know if this made any sense...
i think i kinda wandered off in places...
but when it comes down to it..

i guess i'm just really grateful..
and i hope that somebody else out there
is glowing
as much as i am

[digitalsanity]

So that I may whisper clean thoughtful hate within my own desires I walk alone, the glass which I smear my infatuation with destruction now smug with the traces of my fear. I follow each step taken to watch the blood which sheds from the shard which cuts within my soles. In a panic of rage I follow the darkness that leads my every step taken into the depths of an unknown world on to be forsaken by the word which I never will understand, however hope being the fuel which burns my existence the fate being the deadline to my destination, the wings of the crow finalizing my end.